So this is my entry to a prompt "How does an idea qualify to be a post on your website?" I received at an IndieWeb Meetup.
It is a peculiar thing for me, isn't it? If you've tried to read more of my blog posts, you'll quickly realise how I don't even have a setup to paginate my blog posts. Yet, as I write this post, I can see I already have 7 drafts that haven't yet "qualified" to be part of my website.
Why? When I read some of those, I see great value, funny anecdotes, and something that I do cherish and feel cutely expresses my thoughts of the past. Yet I still feel something is still missing. Maybe they are too unstructured, maybe they are too blunt, maybe they are too personal, or maybe I want to say more, but I am not there yet.
Before I investigate further, I should acknowledge that procrastination is a major factor here. The fact that almost all of my recent blog posts are "my entry to a prompt at IndieWeb" tells me that I really need to be put in a spot to cough up something. In fact, I joined IndieWeb solely because I doubted anyone was remotely interested in reading anything I had to say. That internal critic prevented so many of my thoughts from even reaching the draft stage.
Say, I got over that critic, or an idea was just so loud that I just had to type the thoughts with whatever limited vocabulary I had access to, why would I hesitate to publish it? Is it just about how messy the thoughts are?
Say, I even polished it up, why do I still not publish it? How come I have a very polished draft from 2017 that is still unpublished? And how come I published every post when prompted at IndieWeb? What's the difference? Certainly it is not about polish either.
intention
I think, ultimately, incoherent or not, I hesitate to take space, even if digitally. I procrastinate, I fear immense judgment or worse, indifference, and keep my thoughts to myself.
But the act of being in a community (IndieWeb), hearing so many wonderful people typing away their beautiful thoughts, and even reading mine and liking, nay, loving it makes me feel secure. This is more about my outlook of myself in the world, and less about the quality of my writing. My procrastination is a symptom of my hesitation, not the other way round.
read the question again
The prompt wasn't about how I allow myself to take space, but about how an idea qualifies to be a post. I have lots of ideas, I even write about some, and at times post them on my website. Which ideas qualify?
This requires me to answer the question "what purpose does my website serve". Right now, in my unsure 30s, it is about self-discovery and self-expression. The more authentic it is, the more worthwhile it is to me, the more qualified it becomes. Sadly, this requires me to discover myself more, express myself more, be more sure about my un-surety. And the sure-shot way of accessing that is an interesting prompt that really makes me think, a time constraint and a room full of amazing people willing to listen.
If I could somehow recreate that internally and perpetually, who knows, maybe I too would be able to one-shot my blog posts? Until then, see you at IndieWeb.
one more thing
One of my recent post was actually a draft for years, which in turn was a reflection on my other post from a decade ago. Goes to show how much is left unsaid for how long!